Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
