from now on my penis is your penis
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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