I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
