i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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