how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
