guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
