Please, let me fuck your mom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
