at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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