My sheets look like a crime scene.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
