Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
