I'm gonna have a badass scar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
