I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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