WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
