I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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