My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
