cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize