in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Found the puke drawer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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