There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
