If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
