Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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