I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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