hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
