she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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