i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
