Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize