i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
