i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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