at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
