mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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