Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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