There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
