I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
