If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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