if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
