My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
