I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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