my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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