me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
