I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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