I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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