The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
