can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
