butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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