remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize