I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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