HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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