Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
