Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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