i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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