Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
