just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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