Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
