he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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