I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
