Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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