thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
