Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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