Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize