come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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