Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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