I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize