elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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