Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
